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You Are So Much More Than Your Niceness

You Are So Much More Than Your Niceness

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Some of us are very attached to being a nice person, so much so that the thought of not “being nice” can make us feel sick to our stomach or panicky—we have to be nice. This often indicates that our niceness is less wholesome than we have imagined, and in fact is an unconscious strategy for surviving life. This is understandable (and very common!), but it raises the question of what to do with the ugly/unacceptable (to us or others) emotions that we’re hiding (even from ourself) beneath our veneer of niceness? Do we just give in to any ugly feeling and start cussing out our neighbor/spouse/friend? Or is there another way forward, where we can learn how to be with these feelings and with the painful feelings underneath?

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