Transitions Video Library

Videos from the Ask Sean YouTube Channel and the Transitions Blog

If you have an anonymous question for Ask Sean you can submit it here.

Keep Riding Through Your Mistakes (In-Process Thoughts)

Keep Riding Through Your Mistakes (In-Process Thoughts)

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The Importance of Risk for Growth (In-Process Thoughts)

The Importance of Risk for Growth (In-Process Thoughts)

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Any Attempt to Create Life Is a Possibility for Devastation (A Quote by Christy Angelle Bauman)

Any Attempt to Create Life Is a Possibility for Devastation (A Quote by Christy Angelle Bauman)

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Healthy Grief Makes More Things Possible in Challenging Relationships (In-Process Thoughts)

Healthy Grief Makes More Things Possible in Challenging Relationships (In-Process Thoughts)

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The Benefits of Listening to My Body (In-Process Thoughts)

The Benefits of Listening to My Body (In-Process Thoughts)

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How Are You Half Asking Your Relationships?

How Are You Half Asking Your Relationships?

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Grief, Bitterness and Dragons

Grief, Bitterness and Dragons

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Life Is Lived in Ambiguity, Not Precision (In-Process Thoughts)

Life Is Lived in Ambiguity, Not Precision (In-Process Thoughts)

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Am I Selfish for Hating My In Laws?

Am I Selfish for Hating My In Laws?

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How to Know When to Pause Therapy

How to Know When to Pause Therapy

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What Are Your Bad Habits Trying to Teach You?

What Are Your Bad Habits Trying to Teach You?

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Why I Don’t Keep a Waitlist for New Clients

Why I Don’t Keep a Waitlist for New Clients

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Creating Space in My Mornings and Evenings by Fasting From Technology (In-Process Thoughts)

Creating Space in My Mornings and Evenings by Fasting From Technology (In-Process Thoughts)

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How to Talk to People You Disagree With

How to Talk to People You Disagree With

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The Importance of Emotional Vulnerability for Sexual Intimacy

The Importance of Emotional Vulnerability for Sexual Intimacy

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Why You Should Face Your Triggers Instead of Avoiding Them

Why You Should Face Your Triggers Instead of Avoiding Them

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Why It Can Be Worthwhile to Postpone Sex

Why It Can Be Worthwhile to Postpone Sex

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Why Am I Afraid to Date (After They Are Interested in Me)?

Why Am I Afraid to Date (After They Are Interested in Me)?

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Living in Fear of Causing Harm Can Prevent Us From Doing Good (In-Process Thoughts)

Living in Fear of Causing Harm Can Prevent Us From Doing Good (In-Process Thoughts)

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Reviewing the Aurora LightPad Mini Light Therapy Box

Reviewing the Aurora LightPad Mini Light Therapy Box

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Test Your Desires Before It’s Too Late (A Quote by Luke Burgis)

Test Your Desires Before It’s Too Late (A Quote by Luke Burgis)

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Sometimes You Just Have to Try Something (In-Process Thoughts)

Sometimes You Just Have to Try Something (In-Process Thoughts)

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It Can Take Courage to Quit (In-Process Thoughts)

It Can Take Courage to Quit (In-Process Thoughts)

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The Danger of Believing You Are Incapable of Evil (A Quote by Luke Burgis)

The Danger of Believing You Are Incapable of Evil (A Quote by Luke Burgis)

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Christian Reflections on God, Presence and Healing From Trauma

Christian Reflections on God, Presence and Healing From Trauma

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What Is Trauma?

What Is Trauma?

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Nobody Is Safe From Being Made a Scapegoat (A Quote by Luke Burgis)

Nobody Is Safe From Being Made a Scapegoat (A Quote by Luke Burgis)

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Don’t Stop Living Your Life (In-Process Thoughts)

Don’t Stop Living Your Life (In-Process Thoughts)

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Language Is an Imperfect Means of Communication (A Quote by Rick Rubin)

Language Is an Imperfect Means of Communication (A Quote by Rick Rubin)

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Artists Help Us See What We Can’t See (A Quote by Rick Rubin)

Artists Help Us See What We Can’t See (A Quote by Rick Rubin)

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An Introduction to Psychedelic-Assisted Therapy

An Introduction to Psychedelic-Assisted Therapy

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Where Do You Need to Let Go and Where Do You Need to Be More Active? (In-Process Thoughts)

Where Do You Need to Let Go and Where Do You Need to Be More Active? (In-Process Thoughts)

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Art Is a Portal (A Quote by Rick Rubin)

Art Is a Portal (A Quote by Rick Rubin)

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You Hurt Because You Care (A Quote by Susan Cain)

You Hurt Because You Care (A Quote by Susan Cain)

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The Benefit of Intentionally Doing Things Wrong (In-Process Thoughts)

The Benefit of Intentionally Doing Things Wrong (In-Process Thoughts)

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Joy Is Rooted in the Imperfect (A Quote by Susan Cain)

Joy Is Rooted in the Imperfect (A Quote by Susan Cain)

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Bittersweetness Shows Us How to Respond to Pain (A Quote by Susan Cain)

Bittersweetness Shows Us How to Respond to Pain (A Quote by Susan Cain)

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Mother Wounds: When Mothers Need Their Sons to Be “Strong”

Mother Wounds: When Mothers Need Their Sons to Be “Strong”

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Practice and Perseverance Do Pay Off (In-Process Thoughts)

Practice and Perseverance Do Pay Off (In-Process Thoughts)

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Light and Dark Are Forever Paired (A Quote by Susan Cain)

Light and Dark Are Forever Paired (A Quote by Susan Cain)

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Focusing On What’s in Front of You (In-Process Thoughts)

Focusing On What’s in Front of You (In-Process Thoughts)

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The Power of Choosing (In-Process Thoughts)

The Power of Choosing (In-Process Thoughts)

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Where Is Your Life Calling You to Be Fierce? (In-Process Thoughts)

Where Is Your Life Calling You to Be Fierce? (In-Process Thoughts)

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Why Are Men Afraid of Women? (In-Process Thoughts)

Why Are Men Afraid of Women? (In-Process Thoughts)

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Frequent Sex Does Not Predict a Happy Relationship (A Quote by Sheila Wray Gregoire)

Frequent Sex Does Not Predict a Happy Relationship (A Quote by Sheila Wray Gregoire)

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What Is the Shape of the Life You’ve Been Given? (In-Process Thoughts)

What Is the Shape of the Life You’ve Been Given? (In-Process Thoughts)

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You either Contract or Expand Around Your Loss (A Quote by Nick Cave)

You either Contract or Expand Around Your Loss (A Quote by Nick Cave)

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Are You Taking Time to Digest Your Experiences? (In-Process Thoughts)

Are You Taking Time to Digest Your Experiences? (In-Process Thoughts)

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Share Your Daily High/Low With Your Partner for Deeper Connection (A Quote by Sheila Wray Gregoire)

Share Your Daily High/Low With Your Partner for Deeper Connection (A Quote by Sheila Wray Gregoire)

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Are You Avoiding Your Pain or Seeking to Grow?

Are You Avoiding Your Pain or Seeking to Grow?

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We Must Speak Our Grief (A Quote by Nick Cave)

We Must Speak Our Grief (A Quote by Nick Cave)

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The Calming Effect of Naming Your Emotions (A Quote by Sue Johnson)

The Calming Effect of Naming Your Emotions (A Quote by Sue Johnson)

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Reviewing the Apollo Neuro Touch Therapy Wearable

Reviewing the Apollo Neuro Touch Therapy Wearable

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Perhaps God Is the Trauma Itself (A Quote by Nick Cave)

Perhaps God Is the Trauma Itself (A Quote by Nick Cave)

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Water Your Stories (A Quote by Clarissa Pinkola Estes)

Water Your Stories (A Quote by Clarissa Pinkola Estes)

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The Freedom of Love’s Exhale (A Poem by Sean Slevin)

The Freedom of Love’s Exhale (A Poem by Sean Slevin)

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Technology Should Be Designed to Help You, Not Distract You (A Quote by Johann Hari)

Technology Should Be Designed to Help You, Not Distract You (A Quote by Johann Hari)

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The Gift of Sensitive People to Humankind (A Quote by Gabor Maté)

The Gift of Sensitive People to Humankind (A Quote by Gabor Maté)

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Let Your Fantasy About Your Partner Die

Let Your Fantasy About Your Partner Die

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The More You Avoid Suffering, the More You Suffer (A Quote by Thomas Merton)

The More You Avoid Suffering, the More You Suffer (A Quote by Thomas Merton)

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The Health of Any Intimate Relationship Depends On… (A Quote by James Hollis)

The Health of Any Intimate Relationship Depends On... (A Quote by James Hollis)

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We Internalize the Voices We’re Exposed To (A Quote by Johann Hari)

We Internalize the Voices We’re Exposed To (A Quote by Johann Hari)

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Is Singleness or a Relationship Better for Personal Growth?

Is Singleness or a Relationship Better for Personal Growth?

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If You’re Scared, Go Ahead and Fail (A Quote by Clarissa Pinkola Estes)

If You’re Scared, Go Ahead and Fail (A Quote by Clarissa Pinkola Estes)

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Human Suffering Cannot Be Compared (A Quote by Viktor Frankl)

Human Suffering Cannot Be Compared (A Quote by Viktor Frankl)

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To Persist in Spiritual Nourishment (A Quote by Clarissa Pinkola Estes)

To Persist in Spiritual Nourishment (A Quote by Clarissa Pinkola Estes)

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Attachment Style Relationship Dynamics

Attachment Style Relationship Dynamics

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The 4-7-8 Breath (A More Advanced Breath)

The 4-7-8 Breath (A More Advanced Breath)

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The 4-6 Breath (A Starter Breath)

The 4-6 Breath (A Starter Breath)

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Use Breath to Stay With Your Emotions

Use Breath to Stay With Your Emotions

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Waves Crashing (A Poem by Sean Slevin)

Waves Crashing (A Poem by Sean Slevin)

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Inner Growth Through Misfortune (A Quote by Viktor Frankl)

Inner Growth Through Misfortune (A Quote by Viktor Frankl)

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The Aims of Psychotherapy (A Quote by James Hollis)

The Aims of Psychotherapy (A Quote by James Hollis)

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Why Do Partner’s Cheat?

Why Do Partner’s Cheat?

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The Chief Source of One’s Problems (A Quote by James Hollis)

The Chief Source of One’s Problems (A Quote by James Hollis)

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You Can’t Share Pain You Don’t Let Yourself Know

You Can’t Share Pain You Don’t Let Yourself Know

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The Antidote to Loneliness (A Quote by James Hollis)

The Antidote to Loneliness (A Quote by James Hollis)

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What Are Your Sexual Energies Trying to Teach You

What Are Your Sexual Energies Trying to Teach You

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Become a Student of What You Fear

Become a Student of What You Fear

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Growth Requires Death (A Quote by James Hollis)

Growth Requires Death (A Quote by James Hollis)

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Healthy vs Unhealthy Self-Denial

Healthy vs Unhealthy Self-Denial

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Let Yourself Discover Who Your Partner Is Becoming

Let Yourself Discover Who Your Partner Is Becoming

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Is There Hope When We’re Just Tolerating Each Other

Is There Hope When We’re Just Tolerating Each Other

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We All Resist Change (A Quote by James Hollis)

We All Resist Change (A Quote by James Hollis)

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Benefits of Premarital Counseling

Benefits of Premarital Counseling

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What Story Are You Living In?

What Story Are You Living In?

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Ceasing to Grow Is a Failure of Nerve (A Quote by James Hollis)

Ceasing to Grow Is a Failure of Nerve (A Quote by James Hollis)

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Must We Fall Out of Love?

Must We Fall Out of Love?

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Themes of Grief in Marvel’s Wakanda Forever

Themes of Grief in Marvel’s Wakanda Forever

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Tattered (A Poem by Sean Slevin)

Tattered (A Poem by Sean Slevin)

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The Paradox of Relationship

The Paradox of Relationship

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The Most Important Choice for Every Therapist (And Everyone)

The Most Important Choice for Every Therapist (And Everyone)

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How Can I Be Authentic and Nurturing While Still Having Boundaries?

How Can I Be Authentic and Nurturing While Still Having Boundaries?

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Healthy vs Unhealthy Flirting

Healthy vs Unhealthy Flirting

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Making Space for Mystery in Long-Term Relationships

Making Space for Mystery in Long-Term Relationships

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My Partner Isn’t Meeting My Needs—Are My Needs Legitimate?

My Partner Isn’t Meeting My Needs—Are My Needs Legitimate?

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What to Do When Your Mantra Doesn’t Work

What to Do When Your Mantra Doesn’t Work

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Welcome to Ask Sean

Welcome to Ask Sean

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Safe Relationships Help Us Learn to Grieve Well (Blog Post)

Video You Cannot Face Sadness in Isolation

Video: 2 Minutes

Sadness, pain and loss are a part of everyone’s life. We all experience loss, not only in the form of losing loved ones to things like death or relational brokenness, but also in myriads of other big and little losses throughout daily life. Loss is a form of disappointment–the experience of having expected or hoped for one thing, and instead experiencing something much less desirable. How we respond to the daily (and seemingly “little” disappointments) sets the stage for how we will respond to our sadness about much more noticeable losses.

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Does an Affair Mean the End of the Marriage? (Blog Post)

Video Does an Affair Mean the End of the Marriage

Video: 10 Minutes

Infidelity is devastating to a marriage–the hurt, loss, confusion and anger take their toll. But an affair does not automatically mean the end of the relationship. If both parties want to repair and rebuild the marriage, then it is possible to do so. And the couple can actually end up with a healthier, stronger relationship than they had previously.

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Forgiveness Is the Foundation for Reconciliation (Blog Post)

This is Part 4 of 4 in the series Forgiveness: One of the Hardest (And Most Important) Things We Can Do for Ourselves and Our Relationships.

Video Forgiveness Is the Foundation for Reconciliation

Video: 8 Minutes

Forgiveness (and the underlying grieving required) is one of the hardest (and most important) things we can aspire to do, in part because of how it touches so many vulnerable places within us. Whether a relational infraction is little or big, the work of forgiveness (of working through our pain) is the same: We have to learn how to let our self matter, without trying to make the other person matter less. This distinction is both a hallmark of real forgiveness and a necessary prerequisite to reconciliation. In essence, we cannot healthily move towards reconciliation until we have worked through (or at least begun working through) the pain and grief of forgiveness.

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Working Through Grief and Forgiveness (Blog Post)

This is Part 3 of 4 in the series Forgiveness: One of the Hardest (And Most Important) Things We Can Do for Ourselves and Our Relationships.

Video Working Through Grief and Forgiveness

Video: 5 Minutes

Stepping into our grief and engaging our pain is very challenging (though incredibly rewarding) work. Given how scary this work can be (especially if we don’t have people in our life walking with us through it) it should come as no surprise that we are prone to developing all sorts of unhealthy coping strategies in an effort to survive without having to do the actual work of facing our pain.

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Forgiveness Requires Grieving What We Experienced (Blog Post)

This is Part 2 of 4 in the series Forgiveness: One of the Hardest (And Most Important) Things We Can Do for Ourselves and Our Relationships.

Video Forgiveness Requires Grieving What We Experienced

Video: 4 Minutes

Forgiveness necessitates our remembering and grieving our pain. Fortunately, this remembering is not contingent on our remembering perfectly. To put it differently: In order to forgive we must grieve what we experienced, letting our pain matter to us, even though we know that our memory is imperfect.

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Why God Calls Us to Remember and Forgive (Blog Post)

This is Part 1 of 4 in the series Forgiveness: One of the Hardest (And Most Important) Things We Can Do for Ourselves and Our Relationships.

Video Why God Calls Us to Remember and Forgive

Video: 3 Minutes

A common (and mistaken) approach to forgiveness is to “forgive and forget.” This is problematic for a number of reasons, the most fundamental being that real, healing forgiveness requires that we remember. And embedded in this truth is one of the reasons that I believe God calls Christians to forgive.

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Facing the Unfaceable: Reflections on Challenging Work (Blog Post)

This is Part 3 of 3 in the series Love Talk Film Festival, Expert Panel (2015).

Video Reflections on Challenging Work Personally Professionally

Video: 6 Minutes

Growing up in a broken world, we each can have places inside of us that we can be afraid to go. This stems from repeated experiences of not having the resources (within ourself, and/or in our closest relationships) to grapple with certain emotions. When we encounter various forms of pain in life, and we aren’t able to healthily work through the emotions accompanying those experiences, then those emotions get stuck within us. And they stay in that stuck state, festering, until we encounter a relational context that can help us build the emotional muscles that we’re lacking.

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Ideas for Keeping Relationships Vibrant (Blog Post)

This is Part 2 of 3 in the series Love Talk Film Festival, Expert Panel (2015).

Fellow panelist Aaron Bacue, M.A., ABD, (a communications instructor at James Madison University) shares some of his thoughts on how couples can keep their relationship vibrant, and I springboard off of his thoughts with some concepts about how our brains work with patterns. (This video is ~3 minutes long.)

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Reflections on the Divorce Rate (Blog Post)

This is Part 1 of 3 in the series Love Talk Film Festival, Expert Panel (2015).

Reflections on the Divorce Rate Video

Video: 6 Minutes

One of the reasons we (in our culture) can too quickly pursue divorce is that we mistakenly believe a spouse can resolve certain internal struggles for us, which in actuality can not be resolved by one’s spouse. This sets up a fantasy expectation which we can end up perpetually chasing, believing that if we can just find the right person, then we will feel complete, loved, etc. Unfortunately, this dynamic often makes it harder and harder for us to see that the resolution to our pain, loneliness, etc. actually resides within ourself.

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Compassion & Hope: Unpacking My Christian Perspective (Blog Post)

Video Compassion and Hope Unpacking My Christian Perspective of Counseling

Video: 8 Minutes

I believe that we were created for healthy, peaceful relationships and this is foundational to my having great hope for our capacity to grow, change and heal. Regardless of one’s spirituality, religion or faith, I think that many of us sense on an intuitive level, deep in our gut, that humanity was meant for better things than the brokenness which we all observe and experience.

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Advice for Newlyweds: Don’t Forget Who You Are (Blog Post)

This is Part 5 of 5 in the series Exploring Conflict in Relationships (2013 Interview).

Video Advice for Newlyweds Don't Forget Who You Are

Video: 3 Minutes

In our culture we tend to place undue pressure on the marriage relationship, filling it with expectations (conscious and unconscious) that this relationship (and our partner in particular) will meet all of our needs. This is problematic for a number of reasons, but one of the most important is how this default approach to romantic relationships inadvertently leads to a loss of self.

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Can Relationships Be Repaired (and When Is It Too Late)? (Blog Post)

This is Part 4 of 5 in the series Exploring Conflict in Relationships (2013 Interview).

Video Can Relationships Be Repaired and When Is It Too Late

Video: 4 Minutes

I am periodically asked if relationships (particularly marriages) can be repaired. Thankfully, the answer is Yes! The core requirement is that both parties still want to repair the relationship, or at least are still open to repairing the relationship. Sometimes one or both parties can be in a period of uncertainty, where they are trying to figure out their feelings regarding whether or not they still want to work on the relationship. Though that is usually a difficult season (for both parties), even in those times the door is still open to healing and reconnecting.

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How Can Couples Prepare for Future Conflicts? (Blog Post)

This is Part 2 of 5 in the series Exploring Conflict in Relationships (2013 Interview).

Video How Can Couples Prepare for Future Conflicts

Video: 7 Minutes

If you are a new couple (i.e., newly dating, engaged or married), and you have an awareness that relational conflict is a part of life, it can be desirable to try to find ways to prepare for those future conflicts. Nobody likes pain, and so if we can do things now to reduce future pain, that is appealing. I do think that we can do growing in the present that does positively impact our future conflicts. However, where we can get into trouble is when we focus primarily on trying to somehow prevent or avoid future conflicts–that actually ends up “feeding” our fears rather than helping us build the muscles we need for navigating conflict constructively.

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Why Do We Fight About the Little Things? (Blog Post)

This is Part 1 of 5 in the series Exploring Conflict in Relationships (2013 Interview).

Video Why Do We Fight About the Little Things

Video: 5 Minutes

Sometimes we have conflicts with those close to us (especially our partner) that seem disproportionate to the actual circumstances (e.g, an intense fight about the TV remote). We might wonder about our self and/or our partner, “Why is this such a big deal?” And we might be tempted to minimize things because we don’t (yet) understand what is going on (with us and/or our partner). However, if we’re fighting about it, then something is bothering one (or both) of us. The key is learning how to take those fights that seem to be about “nothing” and turn them into opportunities to learn more about the unidentified something that is needing to be worked through.

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