There are many topics that bring couples in for counseling. The three areas that couples fight about the most are Intimacy, Finances and Parenting. However, in my work with couples I see another problem that I believe is a root problem under many difficulties that couples encounter. This problem is making assumptions about one’s spouse based on one’s self. While making assumptions this way seems reasonable enough, the rule of complementarities gives couples a high rate of being wrong when they make assumptions about the other based on themselves.
Blog posts by Kristin Slevin
For more information about Kristin please visit the About Us page.
A Common Marital Hang-up: Personality Differences
Saturday, January 15th, 2011Intended Audience: Married
Reducing Stress Using Muscle Relaxation (Contract/Release Method)
Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010Intended Audience: General
With the current advances of neuroscience we are coming to a greater understanding of the connection between the health of the mind and the body. Mental tension and physical tension go together. Most of us have some awareness of this connection when after a stressful day we find that we have a headache or our shoulders are tight or our stomach hurts. Mental and emotional stress affects our bodies, each of us in our own way. What we are often less aware of is that relaxing the body can help reduce mental and emotional stress. You have probably experienced this too. Have you ever noticed how much better you feel after eating a nice meal, soaking in the tub, exercising, or cuddling with your favorite animal or person? Such activities release chemicals in the brain which help relax the body as well as promote mental well-being.
Knowing When It’s Wise to Get Marriage Counseling
Wednesday, February 24th, 2010Intended Audience: Married
As the old saying goes, time is a great healer. For the most part people are resilient and can find ways through difficult times. However, there are some circumstances in which it may not be worth the potential damage to wait to get counseling. This post examines one such situation: marital problems that have gone on for longer than four months without getting any better. In order to illustrate some of the damage that can be caused by waiting to get marital help, I will use a made-up example about a fictional couple, Sally and Bill. (In order to protect our client’s confidentiality we never use client’s stories as examples.)
Counseling with Teens (Ages 13-18): Kristin’s Approach
Monday, November 30th, 2009Intended Audience: Parents
One of the hallmarks of teenage behavior is the drive to define their identity apart from adult/parental influence. So while teens are mature enough to talk directly about their problems, it is still useful to approach therapy differently than one would with adults.
Counseling with Pre-Teens (Ages 10-14): Kristin’s Approach
Wednesday, October 28th, 2009Intended Audience: Parents
As parents of pre-teens know well, every child moves at a different pace. Some children feel like little teenagers at the age of nine and others still act fairly childlike until they reach their teens. How I conduct therapy with pre-teens depends on what feels comfortable to the child.
Counseling with Children (Ages 4-11): Kristin’s Approach
Friday, October 23rd, 2009Intended Audience: Parents
Talking is an integral part of counseling with adults. Adults are able to step back and talk about what is going on in their mental and emotional processes. Much of adult counseling is helping adults to further develop their ability to understand and manage their internal experiences. The ability to have perspective on one’s internal world does not develop for most people until they reach their teens. While children are able to describe what is going on around them and can identify feelings, for the most part they are not able to have an objective view of what is going on inside of them. Without this ability it is necessary to conduct therapy with children differently than how one would conduct therapy with an adult.
Review: Report on ADHD
Tuesday, September 8th, 2009Intended Audience: General, Parents
Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder is one of the most common psychological diagnoses for children. Some estimate that between 8-10% of school aged children are affected by ADHD. So if you are at all involved with children, chances are that you know a child with ADHD. Your child may have ADHD. How can you tell if your child has ADHD? What should you consider when picking a doctor to diagnose and treat your child? What about medications for ADHD? These questions are all addressed in a thorough and relatively reader friendly report available for download from Consumer Reports (CR) (links to the report are in the footnotes).
Why Parenting is Difficult: Loving the Hard to Like
Monday, August 10th, 2009Intended Audience: General, Parents
Have you ever stopped in horror and realized that at that moment of time you are feeling hate towards your child? Or maybe you have found that while you love your child you really don’t LIKE them. Or perhaps somewhere deep down inside you feel disappointed about some of the qualities of your child. (For example, you always dreamed of playing baseball with your son, but you had two girls instead, or your son doesn’t want to play baseball, or your son has physical/mental limitations and can’t play baseball.) These are things that many parents feel but have a hard time telling even a counselor (whom is bound by law to never tell another soul). This is one of the difficult things about parenting: you don’t get to choose your child.
Why Parenting is Difficult: Loving and Letting Go
Tuesday, July 21st, 2009Intended Audience: General, Parents
Parenting is a deeply vulnerable endeavor. Here is this young person who is simultaneously deeply intertwined with the persons of the parents and yet is also separate and who needs to go through a process of separation with the parents. Separation of any kind is painful. The deeper the love and connection between two people, the more painful the separation is. There is probably no deeper connection than that of a parent and their child. No wonder parenting is difficult!
Why Parenting is Difficult: Introduction to the Series
Saturday, July 11th, 2009Intended Audience: General, Parents
Do you ever find yourself in situations with your child thinking, “Why is this so difficult?!?!” For something that is as old as creation (or nearly) you would think that by now we humans might have figured out a thing or two about parenting. And we have, sort of. It is just that there aren’t any tricks or magic formulas that can make parenting a breeze. There are things that can make parenting easier. This series will: explore some of the things that make parenting difficult; and offer directions that parents can pursue to help make parenting easier.
